they were my replacement family. i was the cool older brother, who sometimes got them into trouble, but was always there when they needed help, or needed a ride.
for 7 years i grew with them, until i left, and was then kind of an outsider. but they always welcomed me back like i never left. until they didn't.
my family wasn't really all that close, but we accepted each other, for all the flaws, mistakes and such, and grew together. until we didn't. and they didn't want me around anymore.
and then this week came another "we don't want you around anymore".
just like my first family, they decided they have had enough of me. and just like an old toy, they discarded me like so much trash.
I guess I should be used to it by now.
I guess I should just let it all go.
when someone doesn't want you around and you're still there, it just gets weird.
I grew to love this second family of mine.
but they said "go away, and stay away".
and deep down, I know they'll always be a part of me. right down to the very core, they would be the ones who taught me how to hold on to God in every circumstance, to look to God for guidance, to pray and never give up.
but nothing is forever. and they moved on without me. and i'm left behind with nothing but echoes and misty memories of days past.
I look to the future with hope, to the past with regret, and to the present with remorse.
now i see them having fun doing things, and i search the photos to see where i am in those events, but then i remember, i wasn't there. because no one invited me. and when i found out about it myself, they told me not to come.
i'm better off just staying away, because seeing them, it just breaks my heart.
God, i need you now.
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