DYING TO SELF

When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take in all in patient, loving silence.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you stand face-to- face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility-and endure it as Jesus endured.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you are content with any food, any offering, any climate, any society, any raiment, any interruption by the will of God.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendations, when you can truly love to be unknown.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart.

THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful, may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it, and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their successes, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.

The lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings or for wasting your time, which other Christians never feel distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be his love slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.

Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He must have the right to tie your tongue, or chain your hand, or close your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now, when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

she's getting here as fast as she can.

I've just been thinking for a while, why is it so hard for me to get a girlfriend, when around me so many guys are all being snapped up? do I have too high standards? too fat? too stupid? not romantic enough? too desperate? too ugly?

It could be all that and more.

or maybe, just maybe, God is paving the way for me to be the man I have to Be for my perfect woman. cos when I meet her, it will be just normal. just like meeting anyone else. but as we get to know each other, as we get to where we have to be where love blossoms, as we become the person we need to become for it to work, God will be working in our lives. in her life. in my life. and when god decides that we're finally right for each other, he will let love blossom in our lives.

sometimes I tire of waiting for God. but i know deep down that just anyone won't work. He's got that special someone waiting for me. and though the world may say"he/she's the one" I believe that the truth behind it is that God knows who the one is for you and me. and when god allows it to happen, it will be amazing.

many times, I've rushed ahead. decided to love someone who wouldn't, couldn't reciprocate. and each time I got burned. and yet i didn't learn. and I tried my hardest to make it work. and it always failed. 

I do have someone I care deeply about now. but with this friendship, I will not rush ahead. I cannot. I must allow God to work, make room for him in my life. to show me, to take me where he wants to lead me. Because his plan for my life is more exciting, more awesome, more extravagant than anything i could ever imagine. and I want that.

Sometimes, I get tired of waiting for her to get here. but then i remember, She's getting here as fast as she can.

God's reply

"He who finds his life will lose it, and
he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

MATTHEW 10:39

a few days back, i posted about something. god replied in an email to me:

Each time you lose a part of your life, you will find Christ's Life is right there to fill the void. Every single time. This is a spiritual truth, and there are no exceptions to the rule. Think of what it means. The more I give to Him, the more He gives to me. I trade in my life in exchange for His Life.

Which would you rather have? Do you want your life, your failures, your mistakes, your frustrations, your sins? Or would you rather give that up in exchange for His Life? You can have either one you want, but you cannot have both.

Leaving, never to come back again?

they were my replacement family. i was the cool older brother, who sometimes got them into trouble, but was always there when they needed help, or needed a ride.

for 7 years i grew with them, until i left, and was then kind of an outsider. but they always welcomed me back like i never left. until they didn't. 

my family wasn't really all that close, but we accepted each other, for all the flaws, mistakes and such, and grew together. until we didn't. and they didn't want me around anymore.

and then this week came another "we don't want you around anymore".

just like my first family, they decided they have had enough of me. and just like an old toy, they discarded me like so much trash.

I guess I should be used to it by now.

I guess I should just let it all go.

when someone doesn't want you around and you're still there, it just gets weird.

I grew to love this second family of mine.

but they said "go away, and stay away".

and deep down, I know they'll always be a part of me. right down to the very core, they would be the ones who taught me how to hold on to God in every circumstance, to look to God for guidance, to pray and never give up.

but nothing is forever. and they moved on without me. and i'm left behind with nothing but echoes and misty memories of days past.

I look to the future with hope, to the past with regret, and to the present with remorse.

now i see them having fun doing things, and i search the photos to see where i am in those events, but then i remember, i wasn't there. because no one invited me. and when i found out about it myself, they told me not to come.

i'm better off just staying away, because seeing them, it just breaks my heart.

God, i need you now.

its so hard.

this song pretty much sums it all up.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart

Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?

Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

building

am building my #7, not a strat this time, its PRS Santana body style, but a CE22 type neck, bolt on.
one difference is i'm using 5 bolts instead of 4 to secure the neck, and also am gonna glue it in(set neck). should technically do wonders for the sustain, will update you guys later when its done.
Body is using Nyatuh/Nato wood, flamed aa grade.
Neck is a 5 piece flame nato/walnut/flame maple/walnut/flame nato 5 piece, with joint at headstock.cos if it breaks from a drop can easily just glue it back.
Feel of the neck is raw, ibanez prestige wizard styled thickness..
Fretboard is Macassar Ebony.
the body has just come back from spraying, havent had time to sand it down and apply buffing yet. just wanted to try out my 5 bolt system and fit the neck.
also put in a set of dunlop straploks which you cant see cos i countersunk them. which means it'll have to be used with straploks alone. 
(this feature was inspired by warrior guitars...)
List of things to be added:
1.Planet Waves Auto-Trim Machine Heads
2. Ebony or rosewood trussrod cover
3. Dimarzio Humbucker from Hell at neck, Dimarzio Paf Pro at bridge
4. Dimarzio 500k Pots, 3 way selector.
5. Wilkinson 2 point strat styled Bridge
6. Dunlop 6110 fretwire
7. Bone Nut
8. Roller Saddles
9. Danish Oil+Beeswax finish to the neck.

how to forget it all

i build guitars. and teach music.

its a passion. and a calling. and damn fun!

building a set neck guitar, #7 Joshua Custom. Neck's like a ibanez Prestige, but with prs style headstock. my favourite. ebony fretboard.

#8 is gonna be a strat, # 9 is gonna be a EBMM Styled one ebony fb and maple neck, # 10 gonna decide later....

tomorrow pictures.